Month: August 2023

Tattoos on the Heart – Blog 2

He came to us shortly after we opened in the fall of 2008. He was in rough shape. Actively drinking and occasionally using other substances. He lived in a group home, which he hated. He was often negative about himself and the path he had taken. He was kind, chatty and funny on his better days, or sullen when things were especially hard. But even on his really bad days, he was NEVER disrespectful to staff or volunteers.  He had many tattoos and was kinda scruffy looking, which sadly gave him a bulls-eye on his person for all those who judged him based on his looks. Even when he claimed that the shouted insults from passers-by didn’t matter, over time when he showed us his heart it was clear that they did matter and wounded deeply.

Over the course of a couple of years we walked along-side his journey, consistently reminding him of his belovedness and our pride in the progress he made. His transformation was slow but powerful to witness. He significantly reduced his use of alcohol and other drugs. He was able to move out of a group home setting into his own apartment. He had fun picking up things to decorate it. He frequently helped other neighbors with their challenges, always willing to listen and be supportive. He was creative and often shared his talents by giving small gifts to those he felt close to. He continually showed what a big heart he had. And he was loved by all of us at Seeds of Hope, volunteers, staff and other neighbors.

Sadly, shortly after establishing full independence, the impact on his body by years of chemical abuse took its toll and he passed away. Just a few weeks before his death we were sitting at a table and he related an especially hurtful and tense encounter he had with local youth. He often talked tough, like he could take care of himself, but this encounter scared him. He wasn’t one to report things to the police but he did say this: “When I die, I want you to do my funeral.” Of course I said yes, although I was sure it would be many years down the road. I didn’t know that it would come about too soon. That moment became tattooed on my heart.

When we were notified of his death I offered for his memorial and reception to be held at Christ Episcopal Church, which was the parent of Seeds of Hope until the church closed in 2012. His family, whom he loved deeply, accepted. Because he was so loved, it was well attended. Many people came up to me saying how sad it was that he died just when he was really getting his life together. And while I agreed with them that his passing came way too soon, I was also glad that it happened after he was able to feel the love that so many had for him. He recognized his worth and was able to take in the pride that we all felt. Lost too soon? Definitely. But never forgotten.

Reminder: certain details are omitted out of respect and to ensure anonymity.

Taking the recommendation of some of my retired friends, I held off on making any immediate plans while I rested and reflected. But I feel ready to begin processing my years of learning and serving. In the past couple of years there have been so many of our neighbors (those we serve) at Seeds of Hope Neighborhood Center who have died, often before their age would be the cause. Many very tragic. Many, I have known for years and accompanied them in their struggles. Taking in these losses, as well as those who are thankfully still living but struggling, I have internalized a concept I heard several years ago when starting this work. RC Catholic priest, Fr. Boyle, who works with gangs in California, talk about an instance where his kindness made such an impact, the young man on the receiving end of that kindness said he would “tattoo it on his heart.” I’ve never forgotten that image and in the past 6 months have realized that it perfectly describes the impact many of our neighbors over 14 years have had on me. So I am beginning my blog to share that learning, but of course with names changed and circumstances blurred to ensure anonymity. I will likely include music often, as it is a powerful vehicle for me to process.

Diane: one of our neighbors who came in on various occasions. She was always stressed. She had a very hard story and just couldn’t get a break. A single mother with an abusive partner and her own struggles with alcohol and drugs. She wanted to make a change and asked for help. She was needing to take a recertification exam for her profession. She gained help from one of our UNE interns and Biddeford Adult Education to prep for the exam. The day of the exam a former partner decided to give her a hard time about an issue with one of the kids. She was rattled. But she showed up and took the exam. She came to me afterwards to tell me about it. I asked her how she was able to hold it together to take the exam. She said she thought about the help she had received from us and others and how much she wanted this. Then she said, “And I remembered who I am.” Those 6 words became tattooed on my heart.

One of the primary goals at Seeds of Hope was always to help our neighbors reach their highest level of independence. To do that often just requires letting the individual know that we believe in them. And over time some will begin to believe in themselves.